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It’s funny how whenever I have moments that seem to rock my world I hear Oprah saying…”That was your Ah-Ha moment…”

Well, I had an “Ah-Ha” moment the other day.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was scrolling through Instagram…as you do….and bam. It saw me. These words jumped from the screen like a knife to the gut.

(Thanks to Mark Howerton {husband to our friend Kristen Howerton} for posting this little gem.)

I immediately freaked out and said out loud…”Wait. What? Really!”

I started talking to friends about this and saying…is this true?

Do you agree with this?

HOW COULD THIS BE TRUE? How have I missed the boat on this important life lesson because all of my friends said a resounding “Yes. That is total truth.” OMG.

I could not stop thinking about this sentence. Expectation. Heartache. Where the heck had I gone wrong? As more conversation developed, I realized a few things:

I consider myself a pretty upbeat, positive person and last week I would have told you that I have mostly high expectations about life (and that that was a good thing.) That those high expectations were because I am a positive person who believes in a good positive, mental attitude. Wrong.

Well, folks. I am giving up expectations. High ones. Low ones. ALL OF THEM. This is because as I look back over my life and think of my greatest heartaches (with guys, friends, family or career)…I would say almost ALL OF THEM are because I had high expectations and if it didn’t go exactly according to the plan in my head, I’d be disappointed. Even if I didn’t show that disappointment on the outside there was generally an inner battle going on trying to control it all.

As I talked with friends, we realized that having low expectations or high expectations can both be equally disappointing and can end in giant HEARTACHE. I don’t know about you, but I am trying desperately to get rid of excess heartache in my life.  I always thought that people with low expectations had a negative attitude on life and were kind of “Debbie Downer-ing” their way through it all. I don’t think that anymore.

Somehow I got “having a positive attitude” mixed up with “high expectations” and I’m trying to change that.

Whatever situation comes I am trying to not have expectations…just a positive attitude. Saying, whatever comes up, whatever happens, whatever I’m looking forward to–I will try to not control it in my mind with expectations. I will walk into it with a positive attitude and be in the moment but without the expectation in my heart and mind.

Because…I think having expectations is how control freaks like myself sometimes cope when things feel out of control. I plan everything out so there is not possibility of being hurt. I guess that’s what it boils down to…avoiding hurt. Well, folks, that ain’t happening. I’m trying to give up the control and the expectations that come along with that.

Anyway. Just my thoughts.

Sending lots of love and a positive attitude

-kate

Morning.

I’ve been wanting to blog the last few days and for some reason I just haven’t done it. Trying to figure out why. I think sometimes there is so much going on in my head & heart that I get overwhelmed and I just can’t get anything out on paper (who uses paper anymore…I mean my computer.) If I were a car I think I’d be on the side of the road with steam coming out of the hood of the car. Well wait, maybe that’s a bad example…cause that would mean I’d be broken-down…and I don’t think I am…I’m just overwhelmed. But not my traditional overwhelmed feeling.

Normally when I feel overwhelmed it’s because things are coming at me so quickly & I have so much to do that I am tired, overwhelmed and exhausted. But that’s not how I feel right now. It’s kind of the opposite. I am getting plenty of sleep most nights. There’s a lot of stuff going on, but we’re pretty organized. We’ve been building a team around us and so we aren’t having to do as much of the “business side” of “Jill and Kate”…which is SO WONDERFUL.

When we were on the road with Kelly we were busy. Traveling all the time, rehearsing, home for a few days here and there, etc…and it was AWESOME. Loved it. Now, I am home a lot more and traveling a bit less so it’s just an adjustment for me. I would say I am almost equally as busy, the “busy” just looks different.

So, why am I overwhelmed? Because I have time on my hands. I have time to think. And process. Which is great, but when you aren’t used to that rhythm it can be a little paralyzing. The “norm” used to be go, go, go and evaluate when you are on the brink of a nervous breakdown. No time to evaluate when you’re in it. Currently, I have time and I’m trying to think through things. How am I doing? Am I doing the things in my life that make me happy? Am I content? Am I doing things that matter? And all of those questions and soul digging are good, it’s just been a lot for me.

A friend and I were talking yesterday and she said that she’s been reading Brene Brown’s books and something she says in her books is that perfectionists and over-achievers have a hard time with down time because the over-achieving and perfectionism is a coping mechanism…the coping mechanism is a way they get out of self analyzing. Ugh, that’s so me. I own two of Brene’s books…started reading one of them years ago and it was too much for me. It spoke to me a little too directly. Maybe I should pick them up again. That might help.

Anyway…I kind of want to wrap this up with a “nothing to see here folks…..just me writing my thoughts and trying to process…”

xo

-kate

*Sometimes my best therapy is just writing. Putting one song on repeat in my ear buds & writing…writing so fast that my fingers feel like independent beings from my body. This is what I did below last night. Today’s repeat song was: “Bridges” by Broods. *

I need sunshine and good news.

I’m tired of the gray, cold, depressing weather. Cause it is really depressing me.

I know that there are cities and countries that have worse winters but I’m talking from my perspective only. I am done with the gray. My soul feels it. It’s heavier with each passing  dreary day. The cold gloom. It’s making me sad on the inside. It feels defeating.

I am gonna be honest…I feel bad typing this. Because in my experience when you live a life known on social media there is only one side of publicized life so sometimes it seems like a slap in the face to say that I’m going through a hard time in the midst of all the awesome things happening in my “life.”

Maybe I shouldn’t type this? Maybe I should just post happy and positive blogs. More sunset pictures.

But that’s never been me.

Maybe a contributing factor to why I’m feeling down is because I committed to a 30 day super restricted eating plan…and I should know better…I DO NOT do well on those. But who does? The first week was fine. Second week decent. This third week feels like hauling each foot through wet cement. I mean, no sugar, no carbs, no starch, not even fruit 6 days a week…thank goodness for the “fun day” on day #7…or else I would no longer be functioning or I would have murdered someone I also have been wayyyyyy more emotional isn’t that fun…i.e. I cry about every 3rd hour or so. I can most of the time laugh at myself which is a positive I guess…but even that…I’ve been sooooo sensitive lately. Yeesh. The upside is…I’m proud that I’m doing something that has required such self-discipline.  But let’s be honest…Kate thrives on sugar and bread…I lived on a carb only diet for quite some time…that’s more my “normal.”

Yesterday I asked if the writers of the song “I want candy” were on a restricted eating plan when they wrote it? Because that song has been on repeat in my head a lot. Haha.

Also, this season has been an extremely busy one. And when things get busy they can also get hella stressful…which I try and do my best to not be stressed but still…Jill and I are kinda doing this music thing on our own. Well, that’s only partly true, we have a few people who help us almost daily and without them we would be just sitting in our house, writing music and playing it for the walls. So…I am extremely thankful for them. And our parents…they are 100% sold on us doing this crazy music thing. They really believe all of the hard work will pay off.  But man, sometimes it’s scary thinking about all we have to do, all of the opportunities we’re given, all of the responsibility we carry….we are independent artists doing it full time. Meaning, it’s all on us. There are pluses and minuses and for whatever reason we are on this specific journey for a reason.

I sometimes forget that I am still chasing a dream and it’s scary as hell sometimes.

Even as I write this blog I laugh cause “blogging” is taking a nose dive right now. Apparently blogging isn’t as popular as it once was. Blogs should be short and concise….to the point. I’m certainly nailing that aren’t I? Haha

I know I should end this blog  with a big, long paragraph about how I appreciate you…the reader, the fan…but I hope you know that already and I hope I have the freedom to be honest with my rant…my gloomy, dark days.

xo

-kate

Can someone you’ve never met change the course of your life?

I think so. Well, because it happened to me.

In the fall of 2002, (yikes–that sounds so long ago) I was a junior at Biola University in southern California. I was a Communications major with an emphasis on media studies. Media studies was the closest thing to being on a stage and in the entertainment industry that I could “study” so that’s what I picked. I knew that I loved performing…loved being on a stage…and that I loved music but never knew how or what I was going to do with all of it.

My roommate at the time had told me that she was thinking about going to a music program on Martha’s Vineyard.  I immediately thought of people studying the violin, and opera singers in fancy white gloves playing the hand bells…but no, this was different…this was no ordinary music school. It was a school where you took classes on songwriting, performance, studio recording, etc. I liked the sound of that.

So, my little brain began to turn its wheels. Was this crazy? Do I want to leave all my friends in sunny So-Cal to go to an island in the dead of winter in New England? Would I even get accepted if I applied? I would be calling myself an “artist” if I went? Do I have what it takes, etc, etc, etc. I was restless. Nothing seemed to settle within me. The deadline for applying was soon approaching and I would need to record a demo of myself to send along with my application. That.seemed.impossible. Overwhelming. Terrifying. I’d never recorded a demo.

As I walked into our administration building, I noticed that on the quad outside they were setting up a teeny, tiny little stage. I didn’t pay much attention and walked in. I swear my head was completely filled  with the question: Should I go, should I not go? Do I go? Do I stay? Ahhhhh. Questions. Wheels turning. All the time. I walked out of the building and standing on that little stage singing her heart out was a blonde singer with powerhouse vocals by the name of Joy Williams. Yes, the Joy Williams that is now half of the Grammy winning, harmony slaying duo called The Civil Wars.

I froze. I stood on the quad and tears just began streaming down my face. I immediately knew that I had to go to this music program. I had to sing. Watching her on that stage, something just sunk into my bones. Literally in an instant I knew that I had to go to this music school or at least get rejected trying.

And the rest is history. I went into a tiny little TV production studio and had my friend Brent Kredel record my demo. Got accepted. Went to that crazy little music school and met this other crazy girl named Jill. We’ve been doing music now for 10 years. Whoa.

So, can a person you’ve never met change the course of your life? Yes. I never met Joy, but her being on that stage, that day, dramatically changed the course of my life.

Weird right?

Has someone you’ve never met changed the course of your life?

-kate

Neither of us were cheerleaders in high school. Jill played volleyball and basketball and well, my tiny school in South Africa did not offer cheerleading as a sporting activity.

But I think I want to be a cheerleader now. No, I don’t want to forfeit music and go try out to be a Cowboys cheerleader (but aren’t they the best ones, really?)…I want the people in my life to think I am their (personal) cheerleader. We were driving across the country years ago and we listened to a couple women who were speaking on different issues to pass the time and one of them talked about how women can often be driven by comparison, insecurity, jealousy, etc. She said if you are ever short on friends…be a cheerleader and you will never lack for friends again. This was probably seven or eight years ago that I heard this woman talk about that idea but it has stuck with me.

What if we all were cheerleaders?

What if you have a friend and you know that without a shadow of a doubt they will get behind whatever crazy idea you are doing and cheer you on? Your unique fashion choices? Doesn’t matter–they’d cheer you on and send your pic to People magazine and nominate you as a “fashionista to watch.” Your idea to sell all your belongings and live in a storage unit downtown? You’d know they’d help you sell your stuff and drive you downtown–cheering you on along the way. You think you’re the next President of the United States–they’re making buttons for people to vote for you. These cheerleaders wouldn’t give you laundry list of how you’re not qualified or tell you that a lot of people out there are more talented than you or that the idea will never work…these people would just cheer you on.

I just wonder how much more awesome life would be if that were the case. I wonder if jealousy and insecurity would just start to diminish. If there would be more bold and creative movements and ideas because people knew that even if their idea totally flopped they’d still have people cheering them on.

We were just at a conference in Austin with our friend Bob Goff…conference sounds too formal…it was really just a big group of friends that all became family and hung out for a few days talking about how love does stuff. Anyway–something that Bob said over and over again was “Tell people who they are. Tell them what you see in them.” When I heard him say this it reminded me of the cheerleading idea. It made me want to change–it made me want to cheer–to tell people who they are, what I see in them, maybe even when they can’t see it in themselves.

While I was thinking about this idea I realized I have a friend like this. I have an ultimate cheerleading friend. She has never once done anything else than cheer for me. We live very different lives. She is a math teacher, I am a musician. She has lived in the same place her whole life, while the longest I have ever lived in the same place is 6 years. She is an amazing athlete and basketball coach, I know very little about balling (yes, I said balling-HA.) We met in college and have been friends for almost 10 years and in that time she has been a total cheerleader for my life. She’s been to countless shows…and not just the fun ones…she has shown up to the worst venues with approximately zero people attending…okay maybe one person if you count the bartender…and after we finish our set she is literally clapping, cheering and high-fiving us like we just finished playing Madison Square Garden. When I call her and tell her about my latest royal dating FAIL…she cheers me on. She tells me that she’s proud of me and that the right guy is out there. She knows that I am passionate about orphans in Africa and so she put her butt on a plane for 14 hours to fly with me to see the need in real life. It wasn’t enough for her to hear  about what I was into…she wanted to see it for herself. Ugh…you guys…I’m tearing up as I write this. I am so thankful for a friend like her. She is not driven by insecurity or fear, she tells me who I am. She cheers me on.

I don’t think I’ve been as much of a cheerleader to her as I could’ve been. Surely not as much as she has been to me. But I want to be. And I’m gonna try.

What if we got to know our mailman and told him or her what an awesome job they were doing? What if you finally told your sibling that you never got along with or had much in common with that you wanted to know more about what they’re into…and cheered them on.

Make a ist of the people in your life and find ways to tell them who they are. Look them square in the eyes and tell them what you see. Cheer them on. Be their cheerleader. 

xo

kate